If you're a veterinary professional who avoids confrontation like a cat avoids a bath - you're not alone. For many in vet med, even thinking about an uncomfortable conversation can trigger stress, anxiety or full-on retreat. 

But here's the thing: conflict isn't inherently bad. In fact, with the right mindset, conflict can be one of the clearest and most productive forms of communication. 

Let’s unpack how you can stop fearing confrontation and start using it as a tool for clarity, leadership and positive change. 

Why We Avoid Conflict 

Whether it’s addressing a teammate’s behavior, giving tough feedback or managing an aggressive client - many of us default to avoidance. Why? 

Because most of us were never trained in how to handle conflict well. 

In veterinary workplaces, we often see: 

• A culture of tolerating bad client behavior to “keep the peace” 
• Managers lacking the tools to address staff issues effectively 
• Team members feeling unsupported, so they stay silent 

And beneath it all? A deep discomfort with conflict. But that discomfort isn't just about the moment - it often stems from old communication patterns. 

Parent, Child, or Adult: Which One Are You? 

One useful framework is Transactional Analysis, which suggests we tend to communicate from one of three modes: 

• Parent (controlling, critical, or overly nurturing) 
• Child (emotional, reactive, defensive) 
• Adult (rational, clear, curious) 

In a stressful moment, it’s easy to slip into Parent or Child mode. For example: 

• A vet scolds a nurse for a mistake = Parent mode 
• A receptionist shuts down after feedback = Child mode 

These patterns often escalate conflict or lead to passive - aggression, not resolution. 

What works? Staying in Adult mode: 

• Use facts, not assumptions 
• Stay calm and inquisitive 
• Ask questions instead of assigning blame 
• Focus on solutions, not emotions 

Reframe Confrontation as Neutral, Not Negative 

We tend to label confrontation as bad, scary or aggressive. But what if it’s just… information? 

Coaching teaches us that there are no “good” or “bad” things - just things. Confrontation is one form of communication and when approached from an Adult mindset, it becomes an opportunity for clarity and growth. 

How to Shift an Unhelpful Dynamic 

When communication patterns are stuck - especially if they've been that way for a while - you won’t fix them overnight. But you can start shifting them with intentional steps: 

1. Own Your Experience 

Avoid phrases like “You always…” or “You need to…”. Instead: 

• “When X happened, I felt…” 
• “This situation impacted me in this way…” 

2. Seek Their Perspective 

Ask: 

• “How did you experience that?” 
• “What’s your view of what happened?” 
• “Did you realize I felt that way?” 

This builds mutual understanding and de - escalates tension. 

3. Stick to Facts 

Focus on specific events, not generalized behavior: 

✅ “On Tuesday, during the handover, this was said...” 

❌ “You never communicate clearly.” 

A Mindset Shift for Vet Leaders 

Confrontation, when done with intention, is not a threat - it’s a gift. It gives your team: 

• Clarity on expectations 
• Space for honest feedback 
• Permission to grow and improve 

But the shift starts with you. Ask yourself: 

• Is this problem real, or just perceived? 
• How would a neutral outsider interpret it? 
• What would the best version of me do in this situation? 

Final Thought: Conflict Isn’t the Enemy - Confusion Is 

In veterinary teams, avoiding confrontation breeds silence, frustration and turnover. Embracing it - calmly, clearly, and compassionately - builds alignment, trust and maturity. 

So next time you feel the dread rise, pause. Step into Adult mode. Choose clarity over comfort. 

Not all conflict is bad. In fact, it's often the beginning of something better. 

Embrace Confrontation with The Lost Vet    

At The Lost Vet, we help you find your passion and purpose again.    

You’ll have:    

• The job you always dreamed of    
• More time for you and your friends and family, hobbies and interests    
• Increased profit and growth with less stress    
• An empowered team    
• Clients that truly value the service and advice you provide    

Don’t take our word for it, contact us today to find your passion and purpose again.